Calm. Collected, And Commandin//Day 30

I realize I lose blogging motivation quite quickly if I don't write as soon as an idea pops into my head. Even if at that exact moment, I am overwhelmed and just can't sit down to hash it all out.

Anywho, I had a nice weekend- good time at the Homecoming stuff on Friday, great time at the game (we won!), good time with family yesterday, and fun times with the friends at a bonfire last night (and I love Gouda, by the way). I still smell all smokey and woodsy, and I kinda like it because I smell just like a barbeque. Daylight Savings sucks, and I hate that I wake up a million times because it just looks so weird outside, so I wish it were March/April so it'll kick in again. Everyone is getting a bit sick because Florida FINALLY decided it was a season other than summer, and cool, dry fall weather is creeping in, and we've had temperatures in the 50s/60s which is positively freezing in Miami. But of course, that brings in allergies and hay fever and colds caused by weather changes.

And then of course, you get bad news. Lots of my friends have been telling me about a sick (truly sick) family member or friend recently, and it was quite sad. You never really know what to say to someone, except sometimes spew out random medical facts or trite hope and faith cliches, knowing it doesn't really change someone's thinking. But all the same, I guess the person knows that you are there for them, and that you do care, and that you also are worried and hope everything works out well. But it still sucks when you find out someone close to you is sick, even if it is in (wow that was a crazy sequence of verbs/pronouns) the early stages and everything will most likely work out well. And I guess as we all get older, this is to be expected more and more.

It's just that no matter how spiritual I may be at any given point in my life, I have always had a tenuous grasp on faith at best. It is probably because I am such an extreme worrier and battle with anxiety hardcore, so something as undefinable as faith can't really stop the bad thoughts. Or stop them indefinitely anyway. I wish I could just allow myself to let go and let a Higher Power take care of it all, but I also don't like taking a passive role in things. I need to DO something, even if it won't make a difference, because sitting around and waiting for something to happen is exhausting. It is probably why I had major issues when Ex Effect was going through his ordeals earlier this year- because I didn't have a clearly defined role or action, and I felt like all these things were happening TO me that I had no control over and that I just had to accept.

Yes, I am a bit of a control freak. But I think that is much better than just absolutely letting go and giving things up to the wind. Free will, anyone?

*Post title from "Brainstorm" by the Arctic Monkeys <3 <3 <3



DAY 30
So we have come to the end of the 30 Day Challenge (and I have amazingly made it to this point), even if it was supposed to be on Saturday. I wish I could find more challenge-type things, but for the time being I will probably just post up surveys and such, and hopefully a new charity sometime this week

I'm going to bypass all the corny "I am a daughter, sister...blahblahblah" shit because it is obvious. And common. What makes me different from others is my obsessive worrying about completely insignificant things. I am a bit of a hypochondriac and would probably spend lots of time at doctors if I had the money and if I didn't hate doctors. I think I'm quite intelligent but can be easily led astray, and I have learned I am much more impressionable than I ever realized. I love to nap. I also love eating. And the combination of the two is no good. I wish I could travel around the world and meet all my cool online friends and discuss books, cake, and Harry Potter. If I could live at Hogwarts, I am sure I would die happy and probably live in a painting there forever. I talk too much but I also listen a lot and am very observant. I have some friends that must be like my soulmates because we are too eerily similar for it to be explained by any other phenomenon. I love nail polish and having a perfect eyebrow. I am rarely happy with my hair because as soon as I cut it, I want it long. If I dye it brown, I want it red. Layers, wish it were all one length. I adapt very well to change, which is a good thing because it seems like things are never static. I have a vast knowledge of things people might consider trivia, but when people are in a bind, I rarely don't know something that can help. I love sausages and RedBull. If Grey Goose would hire me, I would work virtually any position, even wheat shucker (I don't know if you shuck wheat). I have been told that I leave a lasting impression. Probably because I am just so quirky, yet approachable and normal, that you can't not at least think I'm interesting.