Warning: Mopeyness and Tears Ahead!

If you're reading this....nah, just kidding! I'm feeling really mope-y and my phone is being weird and not sending out texts and my friends are all busy and can't call me, plus I'm waiting on email responses and feel like procrastinating on real work (meh, I might as well do it tomorrow morning right? At least then I'll be around my co-worker friends to keep me entertained), so since I just NEED to get this out...well, that's what my blog is for.

EdiSex will be both a semi-professional blog but also a personal one. I won't ever get too woe is me and whiny, but it'd be waaaay too much work for me to have a professional one and a personal one, and when someone is already reading your writing during the draft stages (which I think is pretty personal, in a way), I figure knowing a bit more about me won't kill you guys.

I've talked a bit about the Ex-Effect and what a douche nozzle he is...long story short, we were totally fine and lovey dovey one hour (LITERALLY), and I call two hours later and get ignored. For two months now. From a guy that basically had proposed to me and promised me the world. A bit earth-shattering, non? I basically know he's alive through a bit of Facebook/MySpace stalking and seeing new pics and such, not because I've heard from him or anyone in his family, although they knew how worried I got (I'm a HUGE worrier). Sometimes I feel so hurt that I can't even breath, but the days have slowly been getting better. I've realized he simply isn't who I thought he was, and this "new" person, or maybe the person he was all along, is not someone I want to be with. But it's still hard to get over those good times. Or reconcile them with all that has happened these past few months.

Looking back, there were some MAJOR warning signs even BEFORE we started officially dating, but I was already head-over-stupid for him and couldn't stop myself. Not that I would've wanted to. I had some amazing times with him, and even these bad times have been a learning experience for me. And hopefully I've learned and changed to not be a better me for my next beau, but to be a better me for ME.

Sometimes it's just hard to look back and see the clusterfuck that is now, wondering how the hell things turned out this way, wondering if I should've taken the easy outs I had before and have avoided a lot of this heart-ache.

I got all mopey through an actual happy prospect- visiting Chey in Texas. It'll be awesome to kick back and hang out again with her and all the ole peeps, but it's also where I lived with HIM. I know that regardless of how happy and excited I'll be to be visiting, a tiny part of me will be sad and hurt to be there and not see him. To not be going back to him. Plus, I've still got some stuff over there so naturally it'd make sense to pick it up while I'm over, but going back to just the general vicinity of where we were together will probably tear me up. But I still want my shit ;)

The ironic thing is that I know that feeling this shitty is totally normal and part of the process, and it may be a long while from now and I will still get nostalgic. I mean, a key part of nostalgia is being a bit sad for the way things once were.

But when will I feel normal again? When will I be able to think about him and not have any huge emotional attachment? Just be a bit neutral or blase about it all? I actually thought of starting up a blog called "The Ex Chronicles" for people to share this kind of stuff and be in a nice, supportive community of people that get you, the same way we've all bonded through writing. But, why not just go for it here? I really don't mind mopey stories of your own or even a few mopey comments about my own situation. Sometimes it just feels nice to not feel alone.