And Eh, There's Nothing Else I Can Say

I really thought my first blog post on my....fourth? fifth?...blog would be something that would shoot me straight into moderate blogosphere celebrity status because I'd be so funny and so punny and probably the cutest beta reader/editor ever (that last one still can come true though), but, alas, life has intervened yet again.

So my first post will be a bit more like I usually am- one part bitchy, one part bitter, but all parts sassy and spot on.

Not to sound like some sort of femmenazi, but why are guys such idiots? Strike that (which I would do except I have the old post editor so it's not as easy as it could be, and I'm pretty lazy). Why is my ex such an idiot?

Generally, I'd feel somewhat bad trashing someone online, just in case they actually go through the trouble of Googling me or my blog, but if this gets me followers...nah, just kidding. I totally don't feel bad trashing someone online.

I can't say our entire relationship was shit, we definitely had some great times and he taught me things that I will take with me and use for the rest of my life, but he was a smooth-talking dickface. And I say that with all the love in the world. What else can you call a guy who talks to you like everything's awesome, to then ignore calls you make a mere two hours later AND THEN PROCEED TO IGNORE YOU FOR TWO MONTHS? No reason given? No breakup even? In fact, no acknowledgment when everyone's favorite edisextrix breaks up with him?

I'll give you guys some time to stew over those rhetorical questions.

I'm no angel and made plenty of mistakes in our relationship, though they pale in comparison to his. Playing the "lesser of two evils" card is something I consider a sign of weakness, but when you play with scum...well, sometimes you're gonna get dirty.

Anywho, this rant was brought to you simply from the fact that I know he's alive. I mean, I don't want him to be dead or sick or hurt, far from that, but is it too much to ask that he just be completely erased from my general surroundings? Namely, my brain/heart? Actually, that should be brain and heart. I'm not some mutant X-Men freak with some genetic abnormality.

In all seriousness (yes...it happens every so often), I know I've had a much smoother moving on process than I was expecting. My job was godsend since it takes up 40-50 hours a week (at least) where I'm running around non-stop. Friends have been awesome listening to my endless jabbering about confusion and feelings and heartbreak and other gay shit like that. Money and my car make life even better. And having an amazing old friend back in my life with a totally kick-ass new WIP (if I was at all tech-savvy, I'd probably link her blog here...but I fully expect her to comment on this post and make her presence known and become my very first follower so she can get a super awesome prize and my first million dollars after I become the most ballingest blogger ever. Or at least get us both some word of mouth. Ya know, whichever seems more likely to happen) has been more important than I even realized. Naturally, it's great to have friends, especially friends that are like your wonder twin and totally get you without you having to spend like 15 paragraphs explaining yourself. But having her back has put me in the same frame of mind I was in one year ago- when I had goals for myself and knew I wanted to make something of myself.

I think one of the more destructive elements of my last relationship was that I lost motivation. I became really excited about "settling down," getting married, having kids, having a house and all that jazz. But I really settled down, in that a settled for a mediocre life. I thought being happy was more important. And it still is. But I know that what makes me happy is BOTH having that family lifestyle but also feeling useful, being educated, and having a job I can be excited and proud of.

I know a part of me is probably supplanting all of the grief I should be feeling over my breakup with excited graduate programs and this new future I've crafted for myself. It's helped this transition go pretty seamlessly. But I do hurt sometimes. I try to pass it off as this nonchalant bitchitude that makes me seem super cool and sophisticated, but it sucks. I really wish I could just forget him. Not want to care what how he's doing, what he's doing, who he's doing it with, and what the FUCK happened between us. And I know in time I probably will get to that point.

I just wish he'd stop existing in my mind until that happened.



So don't be surprised if every so often you get some random rant from me. It's part of who I am as a person, but I am totally useful too. I've got mad editing skills and would love to read any WIPs and give out feedback. I'll pretty much read anything, as I've learned to not judge a (literal) book by its cover. Plus, I'll do it for free, so snatch it up....


**Btw, post title is from Lady Gaga's "Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)"...don't want to get sued...