Put It In Writing: I Look Like Yes, And You Look Like No

I am very excited that I have kept my promise to actually remember to blog more than once every decade. Last night was the Drake concert and it was AMAZING!! Probably the best concert I have ever been to in my life (all 23 years...and that counts the time I went to see a live taping of the Mickey Mouse Club). Many, many guest performers since I have the luxury of living in Miami, so I was on my feet dancing like a maniac all night. Lots of yelling too, and hence, no voice today, but it was very much worth it.

Since Drake had a whole dreams and nightmares theme to this tour (and Miami was the opening city, woot woot!), he gave me lots of food for thought last night. He talked a lot about the sacrifices that he's had to make for his career, but that he would make every single one of them again (and many, many more as well) to make it as far as he has already. That got me thinking (d'uh) as to the sacrifices I'VE made for my career.

First off, I had to decide what my career was. And that was hard. 23 years and I ain't never met a good cop...kidding, but 23 years and I feel like I still don't have a career to call my own. Granted I did spend nearly 22 years in some sort of schooling, and I only graduated with my Bachelor's a little over a year ago, and probably won't have my Master's for another 3 or so. So until then, when I will (hopefully!) find a job I lovelovelove, or at least a job with the room for potential and growth into something I lovelovelove, what is my "career" now?

I'm not talking about my accomplishments because I know I have had enough to make me proud of the things that I do and to know that someone out there appreciates it as well. It feels silly to say that I'm still a Student because I'm technically not going to school right now. But that's what I feel like. I feel like I will always be a student, a scholar of some sort. While I LOVE writing, I never thought I would LOVE writing academic papers and theses, but I do. I love reading geeky poetry and unearthing obscure classics and feeling their resonance hundreds of years later. I HATED Samuel Taylor Coleridge in high school and my first year of university at NYU, and I grew to love him so much I wrote my senior thesis on him and hope to extend that at some point into a full blown manuscript.

I sacrificed so much my senior year of university for that thesis, too. I didn't go out as much as I could've because I wanted to write something so killer that it'd take the English department by storm (and it did!). I wanted to get stellar grades and go out with a bang (did that too!). I spent much of my random money on books and writing supplies and a new laptop, and I would never trade any of that for a wild, crazy senior year filled with booze, clubbing and boys.

Last year was filled with SO many sacrifices. I sacrificed one city for another. Friends for other people. Those people for my old friends. Potentially awesome jobs. My sanity, it felt like some times too. While I had a rough beginning of this year that I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even him, I wouldn't trade that in either. I still feel the repercussions of all those sacrifices- some mistakes, some not- but I also feel like I am the closest to being "me" that I've been in a long time.

Sacrifices, by their very definition, are the giving up of something valuable or desirable in exchange for something as being seen with a higher value. And just like with my thesis, where I ended up with something I am still so immensely proud of, I know these will lead to the same.

**Post title from Drake's "Up All Night" [of course ;)]